The Feeling that Never Goes Away

My heart sinks,

my head aches.

My thoughts are heavy.

Do I have what it takes?

This life seems endlessly weary,

My eyes constantly teary.

My body lay exhausted,

I overthink and make myself nauseous.

Does this feeling ever go away?

Although I do not want you to stay,

I find comfort in your weight.

I hate that I find solace in your display.

They say to reach out for some support,

but that feels too absurd.

I will handle it on my own as usual.

Am I being fucking delusional?

What exactly am I waiting for? or who?

No matter how much I think I am moving on,

this feeling always seem to follow through,

and leaves me withdrawn.

I don't want you here,

but I think I am addicted to you.

your presence is unclear,

yet I crave your melancholic hue.

My ego enjoys your gloom,

even if I am innerved by your ceaseless doom.

Ironic, isn’t it?

that I don't want you, yet you are stuck in my room.

There must be more to life than this,

Is there really such a thing as “eternal” bliss?

Was this feeling only meant for the ones who pretend to be "tough?"

Because this feeling will call out all of your bluff,

this feeling of never being good enough.